A collection of "what if" equipment, or fun and fictional things we would like to have or whatever .........

Disclaimer:  Many items in this listing are not of my own creation.  If anyone feels I need to add a credit to any item, or if I have violated any copy restrictions, please let me know and I will immediately take action to remedy the situation.

Belchfire® Series Term coined by Crown International for their mythical power amplifier, the BF-6000SUX. Based on original research into the first principles of teramagnostriction quasar-quadrature, the BF-6000SUX could have changed the design of all future power amps, but it didn't. In spite of Crown's leap forward into the past of technical declination, the marketplace categorically stated that it did not want 6,000 watts per channel in only one rack space - in spite of its six-foot depth and 206 lbs weight. The only known use of a BF-6000SUX was to drive the experimental Electro-Voice Rearaxial Softspeaker, when Rane demoed their PI 14 Pseudoacoustic Infector using Jensen's JE-EP-ERs Multi-denomial Transpedance Informer for coupling - but many consider that only hearsay.

multi-denomial transpedance informer Term coined by Jensen Transformers for their mythical product, the JE-EP-ERs, first introduced in 1987, which almost changed the whole audio transformer industry. The Jensen JE-EP-ERs pioneered the use of triple electonomic shielding and intrinsic eddy-breeding, until outlawed by Congress in 1988. Voluntarily discontinued when their stock of zeta-metal ran out, preventing any further use of interstage transpedance informance. Considered by many to be the only necessary accessory when coupling a Rane PI 14 Pseudoacoustic Infector to a Crown Belchfire®BF-6000SUX amplifier for playback using an Electro-Voice Rearaxial Softspeaker.

 Note:  At one time I had a "spec sheet" on this item.  If anyone has one I would love another copy.    -- Rockwell

Follow up in April, 2007 --  I sent the following e-mail to Jensen:

Sent: Sunday, April 08, 2007 9:07 PM
Subject: Transpedance Informer

To whomever receives this e-mail:

On the Broadcast mailing list, a posting was passed on from  Bill Whitlock concerning Jensen Data Sheets.  This brings to mind something I have been looking for for some time now.  I once had a copy of a spoofed data sheet for the Jensen Multi-Denomial Transpedance Informer also known as the JE-EP-ERs.  I believe it came out around 1987.   In one of my moves it was lost.  If anyone at Jensen has a copy this great piece of humor, I would love another copy.

Thanks,

Rockwell Smith 

The next day I had this reply:

Hello,

    We still have a very few of the original hard copies and we have
a PDF that we scanned some time ago. I have attached the PDF
version here for you. We will try to put it on the website soon as well.
We are planning to add an archive section to our website with data for
older transformers that have not been made in a long time.

Best Regards

Larry Hathaway
Jensen Transformers, Inc

Thanks to Jensen Transformers, and their superb customer service, I present one of the finest data sheets I have ever seen.  Enjoy;  The JE-EP-ERs. (pdf)

rearaxial softspeaker Term coined by Electro-Voice for their mythical loudspeaker, the SP13.5TRBXWK. Claimed by many to be the speaker that couldn't be made, it might have changed all future loudspeaker design, but it didn't. Characterized by being undirectional, the designer's claimed it produced silken highs and woolen lows. The only loudspeaker known to incorporate both "presence" and "absence" controls. Based on a ridiculously simple principle that still cannot be explained, the SP13.5TRBXWK was only heard once, during the Rane demo of their PI 14 Pseudeoacoustic Infector, coupled by a Jensen JE-EP-ERs Multi-denomial Transpedance Informer to a Crown Belchfire BF-6000SUX amplifier. No one survived.